Ever since I got ill during my degree, and through my long recovery
I have always been taking pictures, documenting, recording. It's
what I love. I feel compelled to do it.
Though in hindsight I am aware that this obsession with perfection
and being the best led to my subsequent ill health. It was by no means
the only factor, but it played a large part.
I think because of this there has been an inherent fear in opening
my mind up to the possibility that I could start seriously working on
a series of images, a project, or a focussed body of work. I'm worried
that I won't be able to control the desire, the hunger & perfectionism.
To not be able to shut my mind down at night. Lying awake, thinking
of ideas with my mind racing.
It's been very easy to still take pictures for myself and enjoy that
process as I have the knowledge that i'm not trying to achieve anything.
It's a defence mechanism. If you don't set out to achieve something
in your own mind at least, you can never fail.
Yesterday I felt some hunger, a tiny pang. I became focussed.....
I don't think you can always search for an image, subject, or idea.
Sometimes it has to find you, and maybe now the time is right.......
